I Fall
by Mallory1
Summary: Midsummer's day...Warning: Don't read unless you have read The Amber Spyglass


A/N: I don't own anyone!!!!!!! If I was stinkin' Philip Pullman and I owned them, I would NOT end the book that way. Ok, so I loved the ending because it was so sad and sweet and especially the part about the Botanical Garden, wait a minute, I'd better stop typing this because I'm starting to cry. So, Mr. Stinkin' Phillip Pullman, if you are reading this, I absolutely think that you're the most awful person in the world!!!!!! Who ends a book that way? Not that I'm going to reverse your mistake with this fic. I absolutely intend to make everyone cry... Oh, yeah, I also don't own this song. It's by The Special Guests, and if you own the CD I highly suggest listening to it.   
  
I Fall  
  
It was their first Midsummer's day.   
Will hurried toward the Botanical Garden. It was warm out, but he felt cold inside. He still thought about her everyday and dreamed about her every night.   
Oh, sure, there were other girls at school, pretty ones, who looked at him in an unseemly manner, but he couldn't forget Lyra. If anything, the girls made him think about Lyra. They had said that if they met someone, they'd get married, and have a nice, happy life, but how could he? How could he be happy and think about other girls, when the person who he really and truly loved was worlds away?   
  
Can you tell me how it feels to say goodbye?   
Would you help me if I tried to conquer time?  
Is there something that can take me too your side?  
Can you teach me how to live within my reach?  
Is the world just a passage through a dream?  
Can you help me understand what life might miss?  
What life might miss?  
  
Why couldn't they go back to the beginning, when they'd first met? When she attacked him, and then they mad a truce and ate omelets and he showed her how to pop a can. Will would gladly live the whole thing, pain, agony, and terror, over if that meant that he and Lyra could be together again.   
Even a small minute of her would be indefinable bliss, but he wouldn't get a small minute of her, ever again, because she was gone.   
  
Now some will say you've gone away  
And we will meet again someday  
But I'm doubtful, cause I don't know  
And I only wish that you could hear me say  
I fall, I fall for you  
I fall, I fall for you  
I fall, I fall for you  
I would fall for you  
  
What would he do if he had a second chance? He'd go with her. He'd die to be with her for just a few more years. "You're being irrational," Kirjava told him.  
"Am I?" He was being irrational, but that was what he would do if he had a chance.  
He'd leave his mother; he'd leave everything to be with her.   
Everything...   
  
Saw a window of the world, a clouded night  
Did you cry when the rain took up its flight?  
Words have fallen, now it's time to say goodnight  
Should've told you, what I meant to long ago  
Think I loved you, but it seems so hard to show  
Would've fallen if I only could have known  
If I could have known  
  
Was there a reason that he found a window? Was there some great master plan? He knew that the kingdom of Heaven, and the Almighty didn't exist anymore, but still there must have been a reason. Was it just a joke, some cruel joke, that the Dust played on people, making them cry, and stay awake at night, wishing, and hoping? Pulling them away from each other when they finally realized they were in love?  
"Will," said Kirjava, "You're still being irrational. You were Adam; you made it possible that the dead did not suffer...There was a reason, but you couldn't stay together. It wouldn't have worked, if you were born in her world; it wouldn't have worked the way it did."  
He knew she was right. He knew 1,000 times over, but he needed someone to blame, someone to be mad at, because...because it was just easier that way.  
  
Now some will say you've gone away  
And we will meet again someday  
But I'm doubtful, cause I don't know  
And I only wish that you could hear me say  
I fall, I fall for you  
I fall, I fall for you  
I fall, I fall for you  
I would fall for you  
  
She was gone, and that was just the way it was.   
Gone...  
He was at the Botanical garden, and he sat down on the bench. Maybe, maybe she would be here; maybe he'd see her. Maybe love was powerful enough to break the barrier between worlds, like it broke the subtle knife.  
  
No, nothing will save me  
I know you know it ain't where you been  
Yeah, someone will free me  
So I can see your face again  
See, they're like an only friend  
But she wasn't there. "Will, we knew that it wasn't possible," Kirjava told him, "We knew. You shouldn't have gotten your hopes up..."   
But he wasn't listening. There was only one thing he could think of: She wasn't there.   
  
I fall, I fall for you  
I fall, I fall for you  
I fall, I fall for you  
I would fall for you  
  
But somehow, she was. Somewhere worlds away, in a different Oxford, a different Botanical Garden, a different bench, she was there. She would always be there.  
  
Can you tell me how it feels to say goodbye?  
  
  
  



End file.
